The Red Skelton’s Recipe

RED SKELTON’S RECIPE:

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this blog.   For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed.  Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer.  A re-run of great ‘one liner’s’ from the man who was known for his clean humor.   I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

RED SKELTON’S RECIPE

FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

Red Skelton 1913-1997

1.

Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2.
We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

3.

I take my wife everywhere,

but she keeps finding her way back.

4.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.

So I suggested the kitchen.

5.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6.
She has an electric blender, electric

toaster and electric bread maker.

She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place

to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7.

My wife told me the car wasn’t running well

because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8.

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

9.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late

for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.

10.
Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her

first name was ‘Always’.

12.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don’t like to interrupt her.

13.
The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”

I said, “Dust!”.

To those of you who have known this man and watched his T.V. shows, can’t
you just hear him say all of these?

        These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start

with a four letter word. 

I love it even though I just read all about him from a mail that I received from a friend.

 It

was just clean and simple fun. 

And my friend said that

he always ended his programs with the words,

“And May God Bless” 

with

a big smile on his face.